The Gall of Kaepernick

There are many things in life that can also be interpreted differently depending on where one lays emphasis and the perspective from which one views things. Take for instance this sentence and its backstory: The Gall of Kaepernick. How did you interpret that sentence? Depending on where you lay the emphasis, I could either be questioning the audacity of a multimillionaire NFL player to refuse to stand for the National Anthem or I could be applauding the courage and tenacity of a man who is certainly laying his career and a significant source of income on the line to speak up against racial injustice.

Stand Against Racial Injustice

Kaepernick Takes a Knee Against Racial Injustice

By the same token, our perspectives can cause us to focus on the appearance of disrespect to our revered anthem or we can be disturbed by the senseless and needless deaths of too many African Americans at the hands of those who are sown to protect and serve.  You could be moved by the overall growing sense of hopelessness and despair plaguing certain segments of our nation as unarmed Blacks are killed by law enforcement.

To recap, Colin Kaepernick, a quarterback with the San Francisco 49ers has been drawing strong criticsm from many and especially the ire of the members of law enforcement since his decision to sit (or kneel) during the national anthem. His decision has been exacerbated (in some minds) by the images of the socks he has worn during practice which depict pigs in police uniforms.

But many, including veterans, have also come out in support of Kaepernick, his right to protest peacefully, and the issues that he has indicated led to his decision. “There are a lot of things that need to change. One specifically? Police brutality. There are people being murdered unjustly and not being held accountable. People are being given paid leave for killing people. That’s not right. That’s not right by anyone’s standards, he said, per Nick Wagoner of ESPN.

So, what offends you more? What drives you to action? The senseless killings by law enforcers, the hopelessness and the accompanying disregard for life in so many of our inner cities or a young man choosing to take a stand and draw attention to the racial injustice in our nation by exercising his constitutional right to peaceful protest? In a nation that was founded after revolting against the monarchy of Britain, that still celebrates the Boston Tea Party, that prides itself as the model of the free world, why is Kaepernick’s form of protest so unacceptable to so many so much so that his jerseys have been burned (he now has the #1 selling jersey), there have been calls for him to be fired, his life has been threatened and he has been told to leave the country?

And while we ponder that question, exactly what form of protest would you recommend to Mr. Kaepernick that will bring his issues to the limelight, have most of the country taking a side one way or the other and stir up the resolve of so many to join in and be part of the solution rather than sitting by the sidelines?

Protest, by its very definition, is to show or express strong disapproval of something at a public event with other people. Learners Dictionary describes protest as: to say something that other people do not agree with or believe in a forceful way. In other words, because Kaepernick meant his actions as a protest, he was bound to upset some people.

Some have asked why he didn’t use another form of protest. Pray, tell, what form of protest to get his point across would have worked for you? If he has to ensure that he does not displease anyone with his protest, then, is it really a protest?

Many have suggested that as a millionaire, he has nothing to protest. Perhaps, those critics will be well served to read the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, “The hottest place in hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of moral conflict.”

As the number of homicides in Chicago hits an all-time high, as states invest more in the prison industry than in schools, as the number of unarmed African Americans killed by police officers continues to rise with virtually no consequences, will you be part of the solution or just part of the chorus squelching his right to peaceful civil disobedience?

The gall of Colin Kaepernick; the gall.

 

Aya Fubara Eneli is a best-selling author, Christian Life Coach, Inspirational Speaker and Attorney. Her life’s purpose is to empower and equip people to live up to their highest potential. She welcomes your questions and comments. For more information, visit www.ayaeneli.com, follow her on twitter @ayaeneli or e-mail her at info@ayaeneli.com.

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Is it Spring or Winter In Your Life?

It’s Spring Time, I see buds on trees and lots of plants springing up. God’s creation is growing, are you? Can you see any tangible growth in the areas that are important to you? Remember, whatever is not growing is really not dormant, it is dying. If you are sensing or know for certain that you are not growing as you hoped, it may be time to do more than just hope. This is the best time to take inventory of your life and strategically and intentionally put into place the changes needed for your growth.

Is it Spring or Winter in Your Life?

Is it Spring or Winter in Your Life?

Here are a few tips to get started:

  • Start now. Stop procrastinating and waiting for the right time. The right time is now because it has been brought to your attention. The longer you wait to get started on your growth, the tougher it will be to embrace the necessary changes and of course the longer it will be for you to realize those hopes and dreams. And
  • Ask questions. Ask questions of everything you do and every choice you make. Why do you wake up when you do? Is that serving you? Where do you spend your time and money? What are you feeding your mind, body and spirit? How is that working for you?
  • Write your goals. It is pretty tough to hit a target you don’t know. Join the 3% who not only write their goals, they develop plans to follow through on their goals.
  • Get a certified coach. We all need someone to help guide us on our path if we want to accelerate our success. A certified coach will help you clarify and prioritize your goals and will assist you in developing a pathway to reach them and will hold you accountable for your results.                                                                 Embrace now as your time to grow. There is a season to everything, don’t wait around till your winter as that will definitely be too late. Don’t let another day, month, season or year pass without you actively working towards your own goals and desires. Remember there are consequences for all our choices. Your decision to empower your growth today could be the catalyst that changes the fortunes of your family and community for generations to come.

 

Aya Fubara Eneli is a best-selling author, Christian Life Coach, Motivational Speaker and Attorney. Her life’s purpose is to empower and equip people to live up to their highest potential. For more information or to book her for your next event, visit http://www.ayaeneli.com, or e-mail her at info@ayaeneli.com.

Posted in coaching, Dreams, Expectation, Goal setting, Goals, God, growth, stagnation | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Help! I’m Married and Dying a Slow Death

Help! I’m Married and Dying a Slow Death

 

Aya Fubara Eneli, M.A., JD

 

Married and dying.

Married and dying.

Recently, I polled 83 women about their marriages and although I know the statistics on divorce, I was astonished at results of my poll. A whopping 76 of the 83 women polled indicated that they are unhappy with their marriages. Approximately half would consider divorce if they could work out the finances and not hurt the kids and another 30 of the respondents said they will “stick out the marriage” because there is no guarantee their life will be better if they divorced. But, it doesn’t have to be this way. I believe we can all enjoy thriving, passionate, fulfilling and joyful marriages.

Over a decade ago, I attended a few of Anthony Robbins’ events including Life Mastery and Date with Destiny. I had witnessed lots of failed marriages and seen many unhappy marriages and at that time I was concerned about the trajectory of my marriage. We had just suffered our fourth miscarriage in a row and in my journal, I described my marriage this way: “Married, but disconnected. No connection, appreciation. No passion, love. No spontaneity.” I felt unworthy and had actually convinced myself that maybe this was as good as it gets. We don’t fight and he isn’t cheating. Many would gladly switch places with me.

But, I knew I wanted more and at Mr. Robbins’ event I was not only convinced that I wasn’t crazy to desire more, I was taught some basic tools to make my marriage what I want it to be. Today, I enjoy a passionate, supportive, loving marriage. We work hard and enjoy each other immensely. If you are in a marriage that is less than what you dreamed of, here are the steps I and my husband implemented in our marriage to turn it around.

Step 1: Get clarity.  Determine where you are now right now. Don’t sugarcoat and don’t minimize your current issues. Be honest with yourself. You have to be very clear on what is and what isn’t working if you will make progress.

Step 2: Capture. Decide exactly what you really want from your marriage. What is your ultimate vision? The Bible says, “My people perish for lack of vision.” What is your vision for your marriage? You can’t attain what you haven’t identified. Write out your ideas, wants and needs. What will you give? What do you hope to receive?

Step 3: Create your massive action plan (MAP). What is your specific plan to transform your marriage? What will you do? What do you have to change? Your plan may include sending your spouse notes of encouragement multiple times a week. You may decide to take the TV out of your bedroom so you can talk to one another and enjoy more intimacy. You may plan on regular dates or quarterly getaways. Create a plan and write it down.

Step 4: Recommit to a vibrant marriage. Decide that your marriage is a priority and determine that the items outlined in Step 3 are musts for you are not optional. This may mean that you cut back on your commitments outside of your home so you have more time for your spouse. Don’t waver in your commitment.

 

Step 5:  Schedule. Nothing gets done unless it is scheduled. Hoping that things will just fall in place is what got you into this mess in the first place. Pull out your calendar and daily planner and start to schedule everything you’ve committed to doing.

Step 6: Complete, measure and celebrate. Take immediate action on your plan. Pay attention to the results you are getting and make adjustments as necessary. Solicit the help of a trusted friend or a coach to keep you accountable. Take time to celebrate even the smallest progress. Each success will serve as a building block for the next. Commit to celebrating your spouse daily.

Step 7: Invite God into your marriage and let him be your guide. Ask him for the power to let go of the bad habits and influences that harm your marriage. God is love himself and I believe that to truly love and sustain that love through all the trials of life, one must first have a personal and loving relationship with God.

Seek out counseling, coaching, marriage conferences and other tools to help you re-build and strengthen your marriage. Believe that things can and will improve and they will. I am rooting for you. I wish you your abundant life.

 

Aya Fubara Eneli is a best-selling author, Christian Life Coach, Motivational Speaker and Attorney. Her life’s purpose is to empower and equip people to live up to their highest potential. She and her husband live in Central Texas with their five miraculous children. Please join Aya as she speaks at the NAACP Black History Month program on February 6 at the Greater Peace Missionary Baptist Church at 6:30 p.m. For more information, visit www.ayaeneli.com, follow her on twitter @ayaeneli or e-mail her at info@ayaeneli.com.

Posted in adversity, Attitude, Attraction, Beliefs, black men, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, divorce, Life Coaching, Marriage, Overcoming Hurt | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Keeping the Christ in Christmas

santa

Aya Fubara Eneli, MA. JD

“Tis the most wonderful time of the year.” Whether you agree with the sentiments of the song or not, there is no denying that December brings with it more than its fair share of parties, nice dresses and suits, decadent food, drinks and lots of bling bling. The airwaves are saturated with the sounds of Christmas, but is there still room for Christ in Christmas?

I believe we can all agree that the notion of Christmas was intended as a Christian holiday honoring the birth of Jesus Christ. Over the last two millennia, Christmas celebrations have evolved and now feature many pre-Christian, Christian, secular and pagan traditions. Traditions vary to some degree across the world, but increasingly the “Christmas Tree” seems to take center stage.

The history of the “Christmas Tree” has its roots in pagan festivities. It is recorded that many ancient civilizations believed that the sun was a god and that winter was an indication that the sun god had been weakened. The winter solstice was celebrated because it meant that the sun god would be on the mend. Homes and temples were decorated with Evergreen boughs to remind all of the green plants that would grow again when the sun god was strong and summer would return.

“Ancient Egyptians worshipped a god called Ra, who had the head of a hawk and wore the sun as a blazing disk in his crown. At the solstice, when Ra began to recover from the illness, the Egyptians filled their homes with green palm rushes which symbolized for them the triumph of life over death.”

Early Romans marked the solstice with a feast called the Saturnalia in honor of Saturn, the god of agriculture. It is recorded that in the 16th century, devout German Christians brought decorated trees into their homes as a carryover from Saturnalia. Martin Luther, the 16th-century Protestant reformer, is widely credited for adding the first lighted candles to a tree.

Interestingly, the majority of 19th-century Americans did not embrace the Christmas tree. German settlers of Pennsylvania introduced the trees to America in the 1830s. As late as the 1840s, Christmas trees were seen as pagan symbols and not accepted by most Americans. Today, we know that the Christmas tree has largely become the symbol for Christmas in many parts of the world. Trees are lavishly decorated with all variety of themes and increasingly the world is embracing Christmas as a time for family and friends to gather around the tree and exchange gifts, lots of gifts.

Other symbols that continue to gain in popularity as Christmas symbols include Santa Claus, Elves on Shelves, Christmas lights and wreaths. In the midst of all this evolution, I have to ask, “Is there still room for Christ in Christmas?” A cursory glance at the “top 40” Christmas songs in the USA, indicate that over 80% of the songs deal more with Santa Claus, Christmas Tree, snow and merriment, than with the actual birth of or significance of the birth of Jesus. Rather than calling this Christmas time, we now use such innocuous terms as Holiday, Winter, and so on.

Many celebrations, parties and festivities held in the name of Christmas actually prohibit the mention of the real and only reason for the season, Jesus himself. As a Christian, I think this is a good time to pause and to ensure that we are being mindful to keep Christ at the center of all we do. The question I posed to my children this year, as they began to ask for things they want for Christmas was simply, “What are you doing to ensure Christ is the center of your Christmas?”

Many friends have shared what they do to keep Christ in their Christmas. Old and new traditions include attending Christmas Eve services, putting up Advent trees with special ornaments throughout Advent, the Sparkle Box, celebrating “Dia de la Candelaria” (Day of Candles or Candlesmas) and  Dia de los Reyes, setting up nativity scenes, reading the story of the birth of Jesus from the Bible, having family devotions each day in December from 1st-25th following the Jesse Tree format, making a cake for baby Jesus, Advent wreath and lighting a candle each Sunday and the White Christ candle on Christmas Eve, reading children’s books like the Crippled Lamb, the Tale of the Candy Cane & the Tale of Three Trees and The Donkey in the Living Room, re-visiting the  “real meaning of the 12 days of Christmas.”

So, what are your family or personal traditions? Is there room for Christ in your Christmas? How much room? Is he still relegated to the barn or is he at the center of your celebration? Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will to you and all humankind.

 

Aya Fubara Eneli is the CEO of Aya Eneli International, a best-selling author, certified Christian Life Coach and a sought after speaker. She, her husband and their five children reside in Central Texas. Visit her website www.ayaeneli.com to sign up for a complimentary coaching session or follow her on Twitter @ayaeneli, like her at facebook.com/ayaeneli or email her at info@ayaeneli.com.

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America Must Come to Terms with Its Racist History

America Must Come to Terms with Its Racist History

By

Aya Fubara Eneli, MA, JD

 racism

As I sit to write this, my mind is flooded with words and pictures and stories that many will consider too politically incorrect to share. The truth is that racism has been an essential part of the fabric of our nation.

See, when we are faced with issues that may have racial undertones in this nation, we talk around and about race, but it is much more difficult to talk about the origins of and the long lasting impact of racism in this great nation, the United States of America. I have many non- Black friends who pontificate on race and Black people and what “those people” should do to better their lives, but very rarely have any asked me about my experiences or been open to hear about how racism really impacts the day to day choices of most Black and Brown people in our country.

Before we all get defensive and focus merely on how to discredit my words and experiences, I say, listen. Listen with an open heart. Listen to first understand. Listen without pointing fingers back at me as though that negates the truth of these facts.

There is nothing pretty or humane about the African Holocaust, commonly called the trans-Atlantic slave trade. Men and women, boys and girls were stolen, kidnapped, bought and shackled in ships headed to American shores to provide free labor. African communities were decimated, families destroyed, women and girls raped and millions killed in order to build this nation. A column of this length will not permit a scholarly take on the atrocities carried out on the ships as they sailed nor even of the enslavement of the Africans once they got here, but if you care enough, you can start by reading Lerone Bennet Jr.’s Before the Mayflower.

The history of race and Black people in this nation includes laws that established and supported the enslavement of Africans and all their offspring, for all it took to be Black was one-drop of African blood. Slave masters routinely raped the enslaved women, broke up families, viciously killed those who dared to dream of freedom and our laws said that was just fine. Our Civil War was fought over racism and the economics of free Black labor. I often ask my friends who are quick to tell me to forget slavery and the injustice of it all, if they are willing to trace the wealth that was created and accumulated as a result of all that free labor and equitably divide it?

Our laws sanctioned Jim Crowism, the Slave Codes, the Black Codes, segregation, and in Three-fifths Compromise of 1787 even declared a Black person would count as only three-fifths of a white person. In March of 1857, the United States Supreme Court, led by Chief Justice Roger B. Taney, declared that all blacks — slaves as well as free — were not and could never become citizens of the United States. The court also declared the 1820 Missouri Compromise unconstitutional, thus permitting slavery in all of the country’s territories. Taney — a staunch supporter of slavery wrote that blacks “had no rights which the white man was bound to respect; and that the negro might justly and lawfully be reduced to slavery for his benefit. He was bought and sold and treated as an ordinary article of merchandise and traffic, whenever profit could be made by it.” Do you know it was once illegal and punishable by death to teach a Black person how to read and write in this country? How long does it take to overcome these kinds of systemic discrimination and disenfranchisement?

Today, we are not so obvious in our racial politics, but it plays out in how we fund education, housing laws, the lack of transparency in many hiring decisions where nepotism and good ol’ boy systems are still the norm. We see it in sentencing guidelines. We over target certain communities and therefore the jails are disproportionately filled with Black people. How many of you will honestly admit that you have done things for which you too could have been imprisoned, but you are not because someone gave you another chance? We fail to appreciate how we have benefited from mentors and having access to power. We enjoy land and assets that were accumulated in a time when it would have been virtually impossible for a Black person to compete for that same opportunity or asset.

When you see people upset and agitated about certain decisions and rulings that come down in this nation, I want you to think of the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. It isn’t really about the straw is it? It is the accumulation of the burden on the camel. Read up also on Black Wall Street in Oklahoma. How many more success stories would we have if the playing field wasn’t so stacked against Blacks for so long?

The Ferguson decision and the distrust of the American legal system by many informed people of African descent should not shock you, it’s just another straw added to centuries of straws that reinforce the message, Black lives are expendable.

When we denounce violence, let’s denounce it everywhere. Today, Zimmerman is a millionaire because my fellow American citizens chose to reward him for chasing after, initiating an altercation and killing an unarmed Black boy. From lynchings to rapes, murder to unfair sentencing, racial profiling, underfunded schools, to the warehousing of people in projects, there is plenty of sanctioned violence in our country. Before you tell me racism is a figment of my imagination or borne out of my sense of entitlement, show me your Emmet Till, Amadou Diallo, Rodney King, Medger Evers, Trayvon Martin to mention but a few.

A nation divided cannot stand. It is time to have honest conversations about the conditions that have led us to this juncture in history even as we preach and teach personal responsibility for the future. The well-being of our nation depends on it.

 

Aya Fubara Eneli is the CEO of Aya Eneli International, a best-selling author and a sought after speaker. She, her husband and their five children reside in Central Texas. Follow her on Twitter @ayaeneli, like her at facebook.com/ayaeneli or email her at info@ayaeneli.com.

Posted in adversity, Black History Month, Conflict, Ferguson. MO, Leadership, Racism, Youth | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

7 Things to do to Prepare for Marriage

engaged couple

 

 

So many looking for love and yet so little direction on how to go about attracting the love and commitment we want. Here are a few recommendations for those seeking a mate. Read and share.

1.) First, figure out God’s purpose for your life. Your God-given purpose should drive everything that you do. When you don’t know your purpose it is so much easier to identify people whose lives and choices compliment yours. 

2.) Learn to like yourself. When you know your value and you love and accept yourself, you are less likely to attract and be attracted to a person who doesn’t love and accept you and themselves.

3.) Get very clear on what you want out of a marriage and why and then identify what characteristics and traits a person must have to be able build that kind of marriage with you.

4.) Evaluate yourself. What characteristics must you cultivate to be able to attract the person you described above? In other words, if you want a kind, caring, intelligent and hardworking person, why would that person choose you? Are you kind, caring, intelligent and hardworking yourself?

5.) Invest the time to become who you must be to attract who you want for yourself. It takes effort to heal and to grow. Take the time to be the best version of you you can be.

6.) Be true to yourself. Be interesting. Get active in your community. Be a servant leader and devote yourself to making positive changes around you.

7.) Stay true to your values and seek God for all dating and marriage decisions. Trust that God has the best intentions for you. Don’t take matters into your hands. Listen to and yield to the voice of God in you. He is speaking. Are you listening? 

Aya Fubara Eneli is the CEO of Aya Eneli International, a best-selling author and a sought after speaker. She, her husband and their five children reside in Central Texas. Follow her on Twitter @ayaeneli, like her at www.facebook.com/ayaeneli or email her at info@ayaeneli.com.

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For Black People Only and those who Love to Sleep with Black Men

For Black People Only and those who Love to Sleep with Black Men:

 

If you really are tired of black boys/men being shot down by cops and each other, here is a proven method to bring about positive change.

Bulleseye

1.) If you don’t want a child or are not prepared to invest the time and money to raise one, STOP having sex.

 

2.) If you are currently a baby daddy, pay your child support and more. Your child should not lack or be dependent on government assistance because of your selfishness and irresponsibility.

 

3.) If you have children, spend quantity and quality time with your children – all your children. Seeing your child once a week for 2 hours during which you take them to a movie or otherwise ignore them is NOT parenting. If you have to live in the same neighborhood as your child, do it. Do whatever it takes to have DAILY drama free contact with your child.

 

4.) If you have a baby daddy, quit tripping and let him have access to your children.

 

5.) EVERYBODY who has a child should take at least one parenting class and should read at least one parenting book each year. What you don’t know IS hurting your child.

 

6.) Sisters, quit being so evil and giving your men a hard time when they want to be active in the lives of the children they had with others. JUST STOP the EVIL!

 

7.) Sisters, even wild animals know the importance of mate selection. Stop opening your legs for every and anything. Choose carefully with whom you want to procreate. If he skipped on all his other kids why do you think yours will be different? If he is crazy, hello, your offspring will likely be crazy too.

 

8.) Lead by example. Don’t tell me how hard it is to parent a Black boy in this society, tell me what examples you are setting at home. You can’t run the streets, drink 40s in the middle of the day, not work, not get an education, never darken the door of a church and wonder why your child is emulating you.

 

9.) If you are an adult Black male and you are not mentoring at least one Black boy, please take several seats and never comment on the state of black boys ever again. If you don’t have time to be part of the solution, you are the problem.

 

10.) If you are a non-Black sleeping with a Black man. Join the cause and speak up against injustice. Many of you have been strangely silent in the wake of all these killings.

 

11.) If you are not a member of an organization actively working to make a difference, wake up!!! We need to be organized if we want change. Where is the organized cadre of well-funded attorneys who can take on the system and fight for justice? How many of you pointing fingers and gnashing your teeth are members of any organization actively making a difference in the lives of youth? Are you even registered to vote? Do you vote?

 

12.) Black people, get just as upset at how we hate each other as we do when others discriminate against us. Seriously, let’s be honest about what we are doing to one another.

 

Listen, it has all been said before, power concedes nothing without a demand, the price for freedom is eternal vigilance, we must be the change we want to see. Others are putting their money and energy where their mouths are. We are buying weaves, coach purses, game systems, eye lashes and cars we can’t afford. Michael Jackson said, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror.” How about you?

 

PS/ By the way, I promise to slap the next person I see who says he or she is babysitting their own child. Fool, you should be parenting!!!!

 

Aya Fubara Eneli is a best-selling author, Christian Life Coach, Motivational Speaker and Attorney. Her life’s purpose is to empower and equip people to live up to their highest potential. For more information or to book her for your next event, visit http://www.ayaeneli.com, or e-mail her at info@ayaeneli.com.

Posted in adversity, Attitude, Beliefs, black men, child deaths, Complain, Conflict, discipline, Ferguson. MO, Life lessons, Living Intentionally, Police brutality, Trayvon Martin, Values, vision | Leave a comment

Get to the Source

Have you ever walked into a beautiful room only to be slapped by an unpleasant odor? Yesterday, I fried some chicken for my children. I can’t remember the last time I fried chicken, but I did so yesterday because I had to make dinner in a hurry for them and I didn’t have enough time to bake the chicken like I normally would.

bad smell

Well, long after dinner was over, the fried chicken smell persisted and it was beginning to really get to me. So, I cleaned up the dishes, took out the trash, plugged in my trusted Scentsy. Hours later, much to my chagrin, that fried chicken smell was still assaulting my nostrils. How was that possible? As I surveyed the kitchen for a possible explanation, I noticed that in my haste to clean up, I had merely moved the pan with the oil used in frying the kitchen to a corner of the counter and forgotten it there. No amount of cleaning or fragrance was going to get rid of what now seemed like a stench. Why? Because while I had done everything but actually address the source of the smell.

As I finally got rid of the putrid oil and washed out the pan, I couldn’t help but reflect on how often I see similar scenarios played out in life. You know, the one where the person gets rid of a bad romantic relationship, but forgets to address that there are things within that caused them to be attracted to that person in the first place, so they just from one bad relationship to another and nothing ever changes.

roots

Perhaps you know someone who repeatedly finds themselves in the same situation. They’ve changed addresses, changed jobs, switched churches, swapped out friends and yet the same issues keep showing up over and over again and they can’t figure out why. Is it time for you to notice the pan with smelling oil hiding in plain view in the corner of your kitchen? Is now a good time for you to courageously address the real source of the things stealing joy, health, wealth, contentment in your life?

It’s easy to sweep things under the rug. It takes courage to feel and understand your pain and to take action. Many choose to put on a brave face and ‘move on”, but any unresolved issues or trauma in your life will always linger and wreck havoc for you. Be courageous. Face and resolve your pain.

Take an honest and comprehensive look at your life. You owe it to yourself.

 

Aya Fubara Eneli is a best-selling author, Christian Life Coach, Motivational Speaker and Attorney. Her life’s purpose is to empower and equip people to live up to their highest potential. She and her husband live in Central Texas with their five miraculous children. For more information, visit www.ayaeneli.com, like her page at www.facebook.com/ayaeneli or e-mail her at info@ayaeneli.com

Posted in hurt, Life lessons, Living Intentionally | Leave a comment

You have the Power of Choice

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiuqgM3sXLU

Posted in adversity, Attitude, Beliefs, exercise, Expectation, Failure, Goal setting, Goals, Habits, Living Intentionally, self management, Success | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Eliminate Worry or It Will Eliminate You!

worried woman

Worry seems to be the new human past time. Ask a person how they are doing and you just might regret showing that you care by the time they have bombarded you with a stream of negative thoughts.

Did you know that the average person’s anxiety is focused on 40% of things that will never happen, 30% of things about the past that can’t be changed, 12% on criticism by others that was mostly untrue, 10% about health, which gets worse with stress, and only 8% about real problems that will be faced?

“Worry is fear’s extravagance. It extracts interest on trouble before it comes due. It constantly drains the energy God gives us to face daily problems and to fulfill our many responsibilities. It is therefore a sinful waste.” One wise woman remarked, ‘I’ve had a lot of trouble — most of which never happened!’

J. Arthur Rank, an English executive, decided to do all his worrying on one day each week. He chose Wednesdays. When anything happened that gave him anxiety and annoyed his ulcer, he would write it down and put it in his worry box and forget about it until the next Wednesday. The interesting thing was that on the following Wednesday when he opened his worry box, he found that most of the things that had disturbed him during the past six days were already settled. It would have been useless to have worried about them.

Walter Kelly reminds us that, “Worry is faith in the negative, trust in the unpleasant, assurance of disaster, and belief in defeat. Worry is wasting today’s time to clutter up tomorrow’s opportunities with yesterday’s troubles.”

Did you know that a dense fog that covers a seven-city-block area one hundred feet deep is composed of less than one glass of water divided into sixty thousand million drops. Not much is there but it can cripple an entire city. Imagine that! That is exactly what worry does to us. It cripples us. Rather than live in and maximize the present, it robs us of peace and joy and even health.

Worrying heightens our stress levels. “Stress doesn’t only make us feel awful emotionally,” says Jay Winner MD, author of Take the Stress Out of Your Life and director of the Stress Management Program for Sansum Clinic in Santa Barbara, Calif. “It can also exacerbate just about any health condition you can think of.”

Studies show that many health problems are related to stress. Stress seems to worsen or increase the risk of conditions like high blood pressure, obesity, heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, diabetes, depression, gastrointestinal problems, and asthma. I am yet to read a study that lists any benefits to worrying.

As a mother, I think when you bring your child into the world the doctors secretly implant a worry chip in you. I have known women who can’t sleep because they have to check on their child every hour to ensure he or she is still breathing. As our children grow, we worry about them getting hurt, not being liked, not being smart enough, etc., etc.

When they drive away in a car alone for the first time, we imagine every possible horrible scenario and worry ourselves into ulcers and migraines. In this economy, people are worrying about jobs, debt, bills, their health, marriages, and the future.

worried man

 

To worry may make us feel like we are at least doing something, but what does worrying really accomplish? One person put it this way, “Worrying is like rocking in a chair. There is a lot of activity, but you’re not going anywhere.”

 

Mahatma Gandhi cautioned against worrying when he noted, “There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.”

Jesus, the son of God himself, admonished, “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

Never one to leave us without hope, he shares the secret to overcoming the tendency to worry and to have peace. “But seek first God’s kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

See my next blog for practical tips on how to eliminate worry on a day to day basis. 

Aya Fubara Eneli is the CEO of Aya Eneli International, a best-selling author and a sought after speaker. She, her husband and their five children reside in Central Texas. Follow her on Twitter @ayaeneli, like her at facebook.com/ayaeneli or email her at info@ayaeneli.com. Sign up for her Goal Setting webinar today at www.ayaeneli.com.

 

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