Avoid the Conflict Trap this Season
Aya Fubara Eneli, M.A., J.D.
AYA ENELI INTERNATIONAL
Emotions tend to run high this time of the year and there is
nothing like excessive activity, exhaustion and stress combined with mandatory family gatherings to create massive conflict. Whenever you have two or more people spend extended time together, conflict is inevitable.
But how you anticipate and respond to conflict makes all the difference between a happy and relatively stress free life, and one fraught with continual drama. The Bible says, as much as it is up to you, live peaceably with everyone.
This year, you can choose not to be one of the masses who will allow less than ideal relationships ruin your holiday spirit. You can indeed have a merry and joyous season with all your family and friends just by following some basic suggestions.
Put away the past and seek out the good in everyone. That is
not to say that you should put yourself in harm’s way, but it does mean that you don’t keep dredging up the past and holding onto grudges. If you need to seek out the person ahead of time and share your mind, do so, and then move on.
Work with a life coach to help you figure out the best way to handle specific and persistent issues.
Know when to speak and when to let things go. Often conflicts arise from the dumbest of things. You don’t always have to be right
or heard. Besides, it is only a fool who wastes time and energy arguing with another fool. If a person is close-minded there is not a thing you can do about it.
Seek first to understand and then be understood. Most of the
time when tempers flare, it’s just because someone felt unappreciated or disrespected. Communicate with the person, don’t just assume the worst and shut them out. Seek out their take on how the conflict can be resolved to their satisfaction. You may find that your openness totally diffuses the situation.
Be quick to apologize. It doesn’t make you a wimp. It doesn’t make you less than. It shows wisdom and maturity. The words, “I am
sorry” have the power to quench even the most heated of quarrels.
Keep it to yourself. There’s nothing like gossip to really get a conflict raging out of control. We are not in kindergarten anymore; you
don’t have to find people to take your side. Be a big girl or boy!
Know your boundaries and respect them. Don’t allow people to
guilt or talk you into doing things that you really don’t want to do. If it’s a family tradition to play strip poker and you don’t want to; then don’t. Respect the rights of others, but their rights stop where your boundaries begin.
Stay sober. Eliminate or cut down on the alcohol and all illicit drugs. These products have a way of loosening the tongue and lowering inhibitions and getting us into trouble. Just ask Charlie Sheen.
Take your medication. If you have been prescribed medication to adjust your moods, keep your anxiety level or blood pressure down, or
balance your hormones, this is NOT the time to skip out on your regular dosage. You want to be as even-keeled as possible just to deal with that one family member who revels in causing chaos.
Finally, get sufficient rest. The best of us get cranky and out-of-sort when we are tired. Don’t stay up watching all the Christmas movies
or baking. Get adequate rest; ideally 8 hours of sleep each day.
I wish you a very Merry Christmas.
Aya Fubara Eneli is a best-selling author, Christian
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker and Attorney. Her life’s purpose is to empower and equip people to live up to their highest potential. For more information on
her seminars or to book her for your next event, visit https://www.ayaeneli.com, or e-mail her at email@example.com.